Heather is back with a handy dandy guide to tailgating… yeah, that’s it, tailgating!

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When I was in college, my university was one of only three schools
that served beer at collegiate sporting events. You know what that
means, people? That means you could use your meal plan dollars TO BUY
BEER AT SPORTING EVENTS! Not that I ever did that. But I know plenty
of people who did.

Four years after I graduated, the president of the university decided
he didn’t like all the income generated from alcohol sales. Or maybe
he didn’t like all the drunks at sporting events. I dunno, one of the
two. He also raised the price of non-alcoholic beverages. I figured
something out about myself after the first dry football game: I don’t
like football as much when I can’t drink beer. I also realized I
needed another student loan to pay for all the soda I had to drink
once my tailgate buzz started to wear off. Clearly, something had to
be done.

And then, divine inspiration hit. BRING IN MY OWN BEER AND SODA. But
not in a bag or purse, that’s not allowed. No, I had to get creative.

See me up there? I look like your typical football fan. But I have
eight cans and one airplane-size bottle on my person – just like every
football game I’ve gone to for the last three years. Pull up a chair,
grasshopper. I’m going to teach you how.

Hiding Place #1 – Socks
Yield: Two Cans
Skill Level – Beginner
Make sure you have stretchy socks, but NOT loose socks. Otherwise, you
could lose your precious cargo as you walk into the stadium.

When your pants are rolled down, you can hardly tell anything is there.

Hiding Place #2 – Small of Back
Yield – One to Two Cans
Skill Level – Beginner
Anyone can do this, but having a sweatshirt tied around your waist can
only help.

Hiding Place #3 – Bra
Yield – One Can
Skill Level – Intermediate
This really works better with a proper bra – especially if it’s
padded. But a picture of that would be like porn, so use your
imagination.

Hiding Place #4 – Hat
Yield – One Airplane Bottle
Skill Level – Intermediate
You have to be blessed with a small head, or own an over sized beanie
to make this work.

Hiding Place #5 – Hoodie
Yield – Four to Five Cans
Skill Level – Advanced
This method has two hiding places. Obviously, a hooded sweatshirt is
required for this. You’ll have to tie your sweatshirt securely around
your waist with the hood on the inside and the pouch facing in. It is
imperative your hood have a string. You’ll want to stick cans in the
hood, then tie the string tightly. The amount of cans you can fit in
the hood is dependent on that string.

The second place you can hide cans is in the pouch. DON’T GET GREEDY!
Nothing is securing the cans in the pouch, which is why this has such
a high difficulty level.

Yeah, I’m cheap, but I have $120,000 in student loans to pay off!