Gridiron Goddess

Would you believe it kids? I won my second game of the season! This is a happy day and occasion. Nobody can now call me a 1-win loser! Not that they were calling me that to being with, but you never know with these behind the back conversations.

DRAGO!!! (From Photobucket)

Not only did I win, but I won BIG! I won the game by 33 points and I had it all wrapped up by Sunday night, which is always a good thing. I say that because Monday night games don’t always favor me. I blame Gruden for this issue!

I saw big point days from Donovan McNabb and the Detroit defense. That is an amazing fact because the two faced each other last Sunday. Thankfully, McNabb got his points  before Rex Grossman came in the game.

Rex Grossman, my defense thanks you. And I thank you too, especially since you’re not playing for my beloved anymore.

Nate Washington ended up with a pretty good day too. He had a couple of receptions, but had a 100 yard receiving day and a touchdown. Steve Smith (CAR) had a pretty good afternoon on Sunday, in his Team Kotite debut. If he can make any catches, I’ll be happy with that.

Sunday also led to the debut  of my tight end, Rob Gronkowski. Brady hasn’t thrown to him much yet, but give it time…Give it time…

This week, I have to start Matt Cassel. Do me proud, would you Matt. Pleaaasssseeeee! I like winning games, ya know. I’ll also need a kicker, since Scobee has the week off.

Hopefully, I can pull out a second straight win and third overall for the season. I highly doubt it, but who knows. Right now, I want to see about getting back to .500. We’ll see if my talent will allow me the opportunity.

I think it’s safe to say that I will have a losing season. I lost another game by 30 points, for the second straight game. It wasn’t even pretty. I forgot to bench the Lions defense and LaDainian Tomlinson. For that, I deserve an idiot badge.

My opponent didn’t necessarily have the best day, but he had Ryan Longwell, Adrian Peterson  and the Giants Defense left to play for him. Well, AD was the one who put the game away for them. For that, I am bitter. The Vikings lose, yet still find a way to stick it to me.

Jamaal Charles was the only guy that really stepped it up for me. He exceeded the point expectations for the week. McNabb was a letdown, as was Nate Washington, Roy Williams and of course Greg Olson. I forgot to pick up a tight end. Again, I deserve an idiot badge.

This week, I need to get a tight end, since the Bears are taking the week off. They’ll need to after that terrible performance against Washington.

I don’t have a wide selection of tight ends available. Brent Celek is probably the best option in the free agent wire. However, this is me we’re talking about. I have to up the ante on this team. I can’t give out any further information on which player I plan to pursue. This is all about strategy. All I can inform you is that I’m pursuing a player, an offensive player. No just a player!

When I say I got my ass kicked, I mean I got my ass kicked. I lost my game by 33 points. Sadly, I was unable to win that second straight game. But you know what, that can happen from time to time. It can especially happen when you have a bad team.

Everybody was a bit of a letdown. Scobee and the Lions D didn’t pull their weight on Sunday. But then again, nobody really did pull their weight, with the exception of LT. I can’t remember the last time Greg Olson had a reception.

With the lack of productivity from Olson, I’ll probably have to look for a new tight end and in the process, get rid of Olson, who has not been able to produce for me this season.

I’m very disappointed in Greggy. If this is how it’s going to be, then I’m not sure I want Olson to be apart of Team Kotite. It tears me up inside to think this, but it doesn’t stop my thought process. Then again, there’s not a lot that can stop my thought process.

I will probably make a change at the tight end position this week, but otherwise, most everything should remain the same.

by Oh No Romo

Shannon Sharpe belongs in the Hall of Fame. You’re talking about one of the greatest tight ends to play this game and he doesn’t get a chance to be in the Hall? What is the matter with you, Hall voters? This is plain asinine! How do you deny a player with three Super Bowl rings, eight Pro Bowls and four All-Pro selections?

Sharpe was selected in the seventh round of the 1990 NFL Draft by the Denver Broncos. The ’90 Draft featured a Who’s Who of talented players and busts. Emmitt Smith, Cortez Kennedy, Junior Seau, LeRoy Butler and Brian Mitchell were all selected before Sharpe. However, Sharpe was also picked after Jeff George, Blair Thomas and Andre Ware (although George was decent). Drafted from Savannah State, Sharpe is one of the most successful players from the school, ever, unless you want to count Troy Hambrick.

Sharpe had a quiet first season. He was second on the team in receiving during the ’92 season and had his first 1,000 yard receiving season in ’94. Sharpe missed out on having a 10 receiving touchdown season in ’93.

However, Sharpe was able to put together his first 1,000 yard and 10 TD season during the ’96 season. Sharpe finished the year with 1,062 yards and 10 touchdowns. The 10 touchdowns was good enough for fifth best in the NFL, tied for first among tight ends with Carolina’s Wesley Walls and Green Bay’s Keith Jackson. By the end of the ’96 season, Sharpe had made it to his fifth straight Pro Bowl and was named to his first of three straight All-Pro selections.

Shannon Sharpe

In ’97, the Broncos first ever Super Bowl winning season, Sharpe posted a career high in receiving yards with 1,107. His 15.4 yards per reception was also a career best. Sharpe in fact led all tight ends in receiving yards that season. The next season, the back-to-back Super Bowl season, Sharpe had his second 10 touchdown reception season. The ’98 season would be his last successful season with the Broncos. Never again would Sharpe have another 1,000 yard or 10 touchdown season.

In 2000, Sharpe joined the Baltimore Ravens. Sharpe led the team in receiving yards with 810, receptions (67) and touchdown receptions (5), but he was tied with Qadry Ismail. The 2000 Ravens didn’t have a lot of offense. Their defense carried them most of the way.

Sharpe was able to carry the Ravens in the playoffs. He had a 58-yard touchdown reception against the Broncos in the Wild Card game. Sharpe also scored a 96-yard touchdown in the AFC title game against the Oakland Raiders. It was his only reception of the game.  Sharpe would win his third Super Bowl, but would do so with a different team.

Sharpe had 811 receiving yards in ’01. He played out the final two seasons of his career back in Denver and retired after the 2003 season.

Sharpe finished his career with 10,060 yards. It’s 33^rd best all time, if you throw Sharpe in with the wide receivers. However, if you just count tight ends, he’s second all-time, thanks to Tony Gonzalez. Ozzie Newsome held the original record for receiving yards for a tight end with 7,980.

Sharpe had 815 career receptions, which is 21^st best all-time, but second best for tight ends (thanks to Tony Gonzalez). But wait, Sharpe is ahead of a few notable receivers, including Michael Irvin, Don Maynard, Charlie Joiner, Charley Taylor, Raymond Berry and Fred Biletnikoff. All of those that are behind Sharpe are in fact Hall of Famers.

In terms of receiving touchdowns, Sharpe has 62, best for a tie for 56^th all-time, but second all-time among tight ends. However, Sharpe is in fact ahead of Dave Casper and Lynn Swann, both enshrined in Canton.

There’s a good group of tight ends in the Hall, mainly Newsome, Casper, Charlie Sanders, Jackie Smith, John Mackie and Mike Ditka. It was Sharpe however, who made it sexy for tight ends to be more focused on receiving than blocking. Sharpe modernized the tight end position for better or worse. The writers can’t just deny him a spot in the Hall because of his…personality for lack of a better word.

He’s had a significant impact on football in the last 20 years. His bust surely belongs in Canton, right?

by Oh No Romo

It is finally true, after all these weeks where I fell short, I did win my first fantasy football game.  I won 98-7

4.

Truth be told, I did win that game after Sunday, but LaDainian Tomlinson’s performance helped me add to the lead. I did

n’t get to 100 points, but I won’t complain. I wasn’t suppose to win my game. In fact, my

opponent was suppose to destroy me. But you know what, Peyton Manning, my opponent’s starting quarterback, didn’t live up to the hype. I always consider that to be a good thing when the opposing quarterback falls short.

The biggest difference for me was in my defense and kicking game. The Lions Defense, hasn’t really had much of a letdown for me this year. They’ve brought their A-game and it clearly shows. I’m very happy with how they performed against the R

ams, last Sunday.

I also had a great day from Jags kicker Josh Scobee. The guy has been good to my team and for that I am grateful. I wish I could be his friend and give him a friend hug. Well, I don’t know about the friend hug, but I bet Scobee would be an awesome friend. Way to go Scobee! You’re clearly turning into my favorite kicker in the NFL.

If it wasn’t for the Detroit D and Scobee, I’m sitting at 0-5. I’m satisfied with the win. Maybe it can be two straigh

t this week. I don’t have a lot of changes planned in terms of my line-up. However, I will be starting Donovan McNabb over Matt Cassel. McNabb has warranted a shot.

I’ll have another column next week though. Enjoy the week.

By Oh No Romo

My apologies for not making a post last week. I had a lot going on and didn’t have the time. I am back though and have a few updates. I did lose both my week 3 and week 4 games. I had a lead in week 3 by a couple of points, but once again lost it during the Monday night game.

As for week 4, well I lost that game by four points. I really could be doing much better than I am now, but I’m not. To see myself at 0-4 is somewhat surprising, but that’s what happens when you decide to put together a crappy team.

Last week, I added and played LaDainian Tomlinson against the Bills and well, he made it as close of a game for me as possible.

This week, I have a few new changes. I’ve dropped Derek Anderson altogether. He’s not starting anymore, so why keep him on the team. To pick up a new player, I added Washington quarterback Donovan McNabb. He won’t be starting for Team Kotite this week, because of the Packers defense.

Instead, I’m putting all of my confidence behind Matt Cassel as he faces the Colts. It’s a bold decision, but I can’t help but think he’ll be that much worse than Derek Anderson was for me. Maybe if I had benched Anderson the previous couple of weeks, I would have won a game by now. Now though, it is Cassel’s chance to shine for Team Kotite. We fully expect to doubt his adequacy on the football field.

This week, I’m also starting Dexter McCluster, since he’s a WR/RB, it makes it easier for me to start him as a receiver, since I have Tomlinson and Charles carrying the load.

If things go well, maybe I can get a win. I doubt it, since I’m facing Peyton Manning. He could defeat my team all on his own. Maybe I do good this week. Maybe Scobee scores another 50-yard game winner. Maybe the Detroit D continues to secure turnovers and sacks. Maybe Matt Cassel has that breakout game that he so desires.

Enjoy the weekend!

by Oh No Romo

Week 2 is finally upon us. And I have made a couple of adjustments in preparation for this weekend. I added a wide receiver and dropped a tight end, and no it wasn’t Greg Olson.

I released Ben Watson and picked up Cardinals wide receiver Steve Breaston. I’m not exactly sure what I hope to get out of this Anderson-Breaston combo. Maybe it goes well, and maybe it all goes horribly wrong. I can hope for the former, but fully expect the latter.

That said, he is in my starting line up for Sunday. I benched Chris Chambers, to put in Breaston. We’ll see how the move works out for me. Chambers isn’t gone, because I don’t just want to force him off of Kotite Island.

He’s going to get his time obviously. I don’t expect Breaston and my other starting wide receivers to carry the team to victory. I especially don’t expect that to happen when Roy Williams and Nate Washington are starting for me.

As for the running game, I’m sticking with Jamaal Charles and Jerome Harrison. Hopefully Mangini doesn’t kick me in the nuts again this week and go with Peyton Hillis. Because you know, that would be kind of a “dick move,” as the kids say these days, on Mangini’s part.

Therefore, it’s my duty as a Fantasy owner to lobby for Jerome Harrison’s playing time. DO IT!!!

I’m starting the Detroit D against Philly. Yes it’s a bold move, because I should be starting the Oakland D against the Rams. But you know what, Oakland doesn’t strike me as the type of team to stop the Rams. Call it a gut feeling (bad for me, good for the sake of this column).

As of now the two notable guys I’ve left on the bench are Cadillac Williams and Mario Manningham. If Cadillac lights it up this week and Harrison doesn’t…well then I’ll probably trade Cadillac. We’ll see though.

I’m hoping to start mixing up the line-ups within the next couple of weeks, to make it interesting. Stay tuned, and I’ll see you with the next column on Tuesday. Enjoy the weekend action!

by Oh No Romo

The first week of the NFL season is officially done. And as expected, I lost my first Fantasy Football game of the season. But you know what, I only lost by 11 points. The final score was 87-76. So it’s not like I had no shot at winning.

I exceeded expectations with several positions. Jamaal Charles, Nate Washington and the Detroit defense all played beyond the call of duty for me. Washington led the Titans in receiving on Sunday and scored huge on a 56-yard reception against the Raiders.

Charles led the Chiefs in rushing, despite his splitting carries with Thomas Jones. However, Charles clearly made something out of nothing, by rushing for 92-yards, including a 56-yard rush for a touchdown.

My Detroit defense held the Bears to just 19 points. However, the four turnovers helped my Lions stay in this game. Just a FYI, I went up against the Jets defense, if that accounts for anything.

For starting quarterback, Derek Anderson was…well…he was Derek Anderson. He almost threw for 300 yards, but did lose a fumble.

I did have my letdowns of course. Every team has them. Jerome Harrison, Chris Chambers and Greg Olson all let me down.  I’m getting a weird feeling that Peyton Hillis will be getting more carries over Jerome Harrison. I’m not sure what I ever did to anger the Mangini, but please, PLEASE, give the kid more carries.

Chambers only had 14-yards on Monday night against the Chargers. Hey Matt Cassel, I know you’re my back-up quarterback in fantasy, but would it hurt you to throw to Chambers more?

As for Greg Olson, I feel let down the most by him. He fumbled the ball in the red zone. Olson has proven himself to be a favorite target of Jay Cutler’s, but that wasn’t the case on Sunday. So…Let’s pick it up, can we?

I’m not sure if I can get the same kind of production this Sunday. That said, adjustments will have to be made. I’ll have another fantasy column on Friday. Until then, keep dancing!

by Oh No Romo

After choosing not to do a live draft and instead go with an autopick draft, Team Kotite is complete. And I must admit, the results are a bit surprising, considering some of the guys I hadn’t even put in my rankings for the autopick.

In fact, I’m still trying to figure out why Antonio Bryant is on my team. He was released by the Bengals. Why do I have him!? The guy’s been hurt during the offseason.

No matter, he has been released from the team, but I figured it should give you an idea of my roster. That said, here’s my team.

Quarterback: Derek Anderson, Arizona Cardinals- Anderson won the starting job over the recently released Matt Leinart. After a 3,700 yard passing season in 2007, Anderson’s numbers dropped off in 2008 and 2009.

Anderson played a combined 18 games in his final two seasons with the Browns. Anderson was indeed the more experienced of the quarterbacks in Arizona.

Back-up quarterback: Matt Cassel, Kansas City Chiefs

Running Back, Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones, Kansas City Chiefs

For the record, I have no clue as to why I have two KC running backs. I can tell this will need to change. Charles has potential, as he came in after Larry Johnson was let go by KC, last season.

Charles rushed for 1,100 yards in his second full season with KC. He could have a huge year, but he’s also got Thomas Jones in the backfield with him. Maybe this is strategy, maybe it’s not. I can’t take both of these guys, so we’ll see how it all goes.

Back-up running back: Laurence Maroney, New England Patriots

Wide receivers: Nate Washington, Tennessee Titans and Chris Chambers, Kansas City Chiefs

Why the hell do I have all of these Chiefs players? Are they even going to produce for me? Do I need to change the name to Haley? What the hell is going on here!? This isn’t funny!

Back-up wide receiver: Mario Manningham, New York Giants

This is all I have for part one. Tomorrow, I will take care of the tight ends, defense and kicker. I should also have my line-up announced for then too.

by Oh No Romo

The Prologue

Once upon a time, during the magical season that was 2008, I took first place for the first time in a football fantasy league.

No doubt, it was a magical moment in the history of Oh No Romo. There was a sense of vindication. Nobody could question me, because I won! I freakin’ won! I did so with the namesake and Joe Flacco at the quarterback position. What does that tell you!? (Okay I benefited too from the Ronnie Brown Wildcat special!)

Despite going 8-5 in the regular season, I pulled off the impossible in winning. Parades were held in a celebration. Folk songs were written about my team’s conquest in the playoffs and thus parodied by Weird Al Yankovic. Baskin Robbins created an Oh No Romo flavor for a day.

Okay, none of that was actually true. No town wanted to hold the parade. The folk singer wrote a song that never caught on in the AAA (Adult Album Alternative) charts and Baskin Robbins laughed me out of the store.

Most importantly, I didn’t receive a monetary type of award. No money was made in this my greatest conquest. No trophy or medal was ever received. It seemed almost as if my victory was as meaningless as being the first commenter to yell “FIRST” on a popular blog or online news article. It meant something to me, but not enough to brag about it at parties and job interviews.

So when the 2009 season rolled around, I sat out of the game. That’s right, I decided not to play fantasy football. The game meant nothing to me, it felt like. How was it any different from playing Madden? You can create your own team, turn off the salary cap, and win eight straight Super Bowls if you wanted. Now that’s fantasy!

However, much like a former smoker misses his or her Camels, I missed playing fantasy football. The desire refuses to leave.

But what’s the point of winning if you have nothing to play for? I never gamble on sports, with a possible exception to the NCAA Tournament.

My plan

Instead of playing to win with the best players I can get through a draft, I intend to play fantasy football using the worst players.

How many wins can you get if you have a crappy team? I am unaware of if this has happened before, or if there has even been columns using this idea, so I’m unsure of the success (or failure) rate.

The best way for me to have fun with this is to put out the worst team possible. Everybody wants to win, but if they start losing, they give up maintaining the team. If I go 0-13, so be it. I want to have the worst fantasy football team possible. I want to make losing sexy again. And I’ll stick with the program and maintain the team.

By no means am I doing this to insult those who play fantasy football. I don’t think of it as making a mockery of fantasy football…actually yeah I am making a mockery. Fantasy football deserves a loser column. Somebody has to take on this task and it might as well be me.

I’m sick and tired of the obsession over fantasy football. It’s nice to know the stats, but I don’t need to know who I should pick in the 12th round. Who gives a crap? Pick who you want to pick! If you want to pick a kicker in the first round, then go for it! Grow a pair and take Gostkowksi!

I don’t need fantasy football to make my life valid. That’s what technology is for! I fear that some out there might feel it’s all or nothing.

I sense an obsession of the game with some out there. We crave it, turning what is fantasy into our own personal reality. It’s like turning Ann Veal into Sarah Michelle Gellar. Face it, we’re always stuck with Veal and not because she’s funny.

I have little clue what I hope to do with this fantasy column. Hopefully, you find it to be entertaining. Maybe you think it’s informative. And maybe it will lead you to look in the mirror and realize that what you want to be reality, can only be fantasy.